Every week my problem student gets worse (if you forgot or didn't read about her, see subsequent blog). Her daughter's due date is becoming increasingly imminent, and since they're currently cohabitating and she *hates* it, I can maybe understand if she's a little stressed. But she doesn't need to be such a snippy irascible old hagfish, not in my classroom anyhow.
Hagfish: ...like I know in your country kids dress up in bumble-bee costumes and sell lemonade.
Me: Eh... I'm sorry?
Hagfish: I saw on the tv program, she dressed up and sold lemonade. On Full House.
[Right then, I lifted her up using the sheer force of incredulity, and tossed her through the glass window onto the cold, unforgiving street, reveling in the symphony of her pain. In my mind.]
Me: Ah well, you know, you can't really judge American culture based on what you see on Full House.
Hagfish: So which program can you? Family Ties? Growing Pains?
Me: Well, I don't think you can generalize America based on a tv show.
Hagfish: Why not?
Me: Well, tv programs are formulaic, they follow a system. Usually at the start of the program, they'll be presented with a problem, and then 25 minutes and one commercial break later it will be solved and everyone will be happy. Life isn't like that.
I then spent several minutes explaining how west coast culture differs from east culture and there could be some remote possibility of a west coast bumble-bee-costume-wearing-phenomenon that I'm not aware of, but I had never seen it. Ever. And with that remark, she gave the trademark "ah soo," as if she had learned I can crap chocolate cupcakes and pee rainbow sprinkles. You know, she uses English words and applies English grammar, but she certainly isn't speaking English.
Of course I mentioned her increasing indignation to the managers after class, and after a few laughs, one of them said, "Well, tomorrow is another day." I taught her that expression a few weeks ago. At least someone's learning.
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6 comments:
Yes, tomorrow is another day ... or another chocolate cupcake. [I like your mind's aside!]
Can you imagine the questions you would get from "hagfish" if she saw the tv show "Lost"? Talk about lost!!
YOU CAN PEE RAINBOW SPRINKLES?!
i think you should find some piece of japanese culture equivalent to the things she asks you about american culture and turn it around on her. that'll really get her going! for ex, you can ask her if big birds travel to japan often and sing such classics as 'ichi nee san' and 'ohio means good morning' through the streets because, after all, that's what happens on tv.
Umm, I guess there really is only one flavor for crapped cupcakes -- chocolate.
I guess, for your sake, the hagfish's daughter shouldn't have taken the title of your next-most-recent post so seriously.
hey andy, new reader here. i hope the old hag doesn't find your blog! she's old! c'mon. also, I think you guys kinda have mr miagi / daniel larusso potential. (-bill)
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