Sloth has a slew of problems, some of which are both severe and medicated. She takes no fewer than 24 pills a day to keep her mood in check. She doesn't have a job, she drinks every day, and the managers need to call her an hour before class to make sure she wakes up. (Note: She lives with her parents directly across the street.) As such, I feel terrible identifying her as Sloth, despite her resemblance to her Goonies counterpart, so I will no longer continue to do so.
However, though I feel sorry for Garlic Breath, I've also had to suffer my share of abuses, so she doesn't get a free ride, no way, no how. (One time her breath was so bad that the managers asked her from then on not to eat garlic one day before her lessons -- Garlic Breath threatened to quit and that was the end of that.) At the Christmas party, I played the role of MC and handed out presents for the bingo game. When she won, she, like everyone else, walked up with a big smile and happily accepted her bounty. Unlike everyone else, she grabbed my arm, pulling me off balance, and planted a bubonic kiss on my cheek before I knew what hit me. I immediately stabbed her in the eye with a chopstick. In my mind.
Today we had an observer in her group class. Prospective students often sit in on classes before they commit to paying for a full session. Just before we began, I heard the managers tell Garlic Breath that such an observer would be there, a deterrent that went unheard. First I did some Q&A with the newcomer and learned that she is a pious sort, studying the bible every day, going to church every weekend. A mental "gross mismatch" warning flashed steadily brighter. Then I went around the class asking how people were, what was going on, etc. Finally, biting my lip, I got to Garlic Breath.
"So, Garlic Breath, how are you today?" I asked. Her response was laced with a maniacal enthusiasm that only her bipolar peak could provide.
"I'm fucking good, man!!!"
"Ahhh... you know, we don't really say that."
"I'm fucking good?"
"Yeah, uh... we say 'I'm good.' Or 'I'm good, man' is ok."
"Oh, really. I learned it in a movie!"
"Ok, well... good! I'm glad you're practicing," I said, noticing that she had jotted down a few other notes as well ('radical,' 'tubular,' and 'gnarly' among them). "So... how are you?"
"I'm fucking good, man!!!"
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5 comments:
at least they are enjoying learning english, and the grammar is right, too. perhaps expletive infixation is next (ex. fan-"f"in'-tastic)!
Bubonic kiss ... that's great!
Do you think Garlic Breath would get the message if you came to class wearing one of those polution masks that we saw people wearing in Beijing? That would be f***ing funny, man!
funny story!
F'in funny!
An Ode to Garlic needs to be written.
P.I.:
I've been told that raw garlic is such a staple in Korean cuisine that garlic breath is considered a part of the nation's defense system.
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